changes and dreams

To protect my anonymity and that of a few families, I have mostly avoided discussing a big part of my life here. That is to say, my second job and one way I spend a good number of my nights. Last night one of my favorite families told me they are moving back home to Europe. I was a bit shocked though I knew that they would go eventually. And I would go too. I can't be babysitting forever. I guess I just thought I would go first.

I've become quite attached to these families and their kids. I've read many a book, played games with them, wiped little rear ends and laughed when they said things like "I love you. You're a good girl." I've fawned and smiled when little hands have thrust painted masterpieces in my face mere nanoseconds after the front door opens. In a city full of strangers and an apartment full of passersby, these families provide for me a bit of structure, a home to step into and a simplicity that only the most innocent can capture.

I'm also bad with change. I realize that most people are but after settling into the familiar, this is another realization that my every day is going to be different. People move, friends get boyfriends, jobs change and life goes on. Perhaps this is an indication to me to move on with my life as well, though the money is definitely hard to turn down.

In other news, here's a couple of convos I've had lately with BFF that I thought would amuse you all:

(via text)
BFF: I'm so bored at work.
Me: Well, we can talk about why you ended our awesome 12 year friendship in my dream last night.
BFF: Haha. I'm sorry!
Me: You should be. I was very hurt. I cried. You were really mean to me!

I constantly dream that she is mean to me. One time she left for San Francisco without me. I also tend to dream that my jaw is broken (probably similar in meaning to teeth falling out) and that I am driving a speeding car and either don't want to stop or can't.

I also consider myself to be a dream psychic. A few years ago I had a dream that I was walking around a mall with my then-boss who was then childless. We were in the company of her two blonde daughters and we were looking for Hannah Montana shoes. The next day I told her and she announced that she'd just found out yesterday at the doctor that she was pregnant. She ended up having a girl. I know that last part is 50/50 but if she has another one, I just might go into business.

I have had a few dream babies myself: several girls and most recently a boy with two heads. Hmph, I wonder what that means. They say that dreaming you are pregnant means the birth of a new idea. Wonder what is in store for me...

What do you guys dream?

Monday, Monday (daa daa da-da-da-da)

Normally, like the rest of the free world, I loathe Mondays.

Today was no different. I woke this morning groaning as I trudged out of bed and rushed through my routine to make it out the door on time. Now it is the end of the day and I'm sitting here thinking it wasn't half bad. Lest I forget that Mondays can be kind of great, here's how it went...

8:56 am - I arrive at work, pour my cereal (I eat breakfast at work), and settle into my e-mail inbox.

9:30 am - I haul it upstairs for a meeting. I normally don't attend this meeting but my boss is out of town and she asked me to cover for her. Since I am not her, this consists of me sitting there and taking a few notes as new books for next Spring are announced.

11:00 am - I return from my meeting and head into another meeting with my other boss. We go over the week's events. I have a lot of work to do today. Grand groan of the day #2.

11:30 am - I return to my desk and finally attack the inbox.

around 1:00 pm - I head out for my lunch break. Three cheers for leaving your desk mid-day!

around 2:00 pm - I return and get back to work.

5:20 pm - I head out and rush home to make my laundry date with K who lives down the street.

5:45 pm - I arrive at the laundromat. K is running late so I make a few calls and send a few texts to pass the time during the spin cycle.

6:30ish pm - K arrives as I begin folding. We dish as though we are the only ones in the place (well... we are toward the end).

7:45pm - Having waited out the rain (or so we thought! It poured once we got out there!) we both head home.

8:10pm - I head up last night's dinner leftovers and watch News Hour with Jim Lehrer on PBS. OK, OK I started with Dancing with the Stars, lasted less than five minutes and ended up watching the second half of a Grey's Anatomy rerun on Lifetime.

9:00pm - I put away my folded laundry, check my e-mail, return some and delete others, and read a few blogs while checking some things off the DVR list.

9:30pm - I make my lunch for tomorrow and shower.

10:45pm (now) - Signing off for the night for a little book then bed. Since I have been having a hard time with sleep lately, I've given myself an 11 pm bedtime on weeknights. Generally I try to be in bed reading with everything else off by 10pm but this doesn't always happen.

Normally on Mondays I come home with a headache, get take out or eat cereal for dinner, fall onto the bed and watch TV for hours before I force myself to shut everything off and toss and turn before I make it to sleep at a ridiculous hour. Normally Mondays suck. But today I managed to eat well, be productive, get in some friend time, and take control of my acute case of the Mondays. Today was a pleasant surprise. Let the record show that small things can make a big difference. Let the record show that I took note of the small things today.

Wherefore art thou?

I want to hear from all the New York ladies on this one...

(And the non-New Yorkers too)

I read this article in the New York Post yesterday. When I told one of my roommates about it she said, "M, take it with a grain of salt. It is the Post."

That's all I'm going to say about it at this point... What do we all think?

Read the article here.

Don't get any ideas though. I'm not going anywhere. Just food for thought.

fill-in-the-blank luck

I'm stealing ideas today... First, Fill-in-the-Blank Friday!

1. The best day ever was...probably the day I moved to New York and then the day I realized it was the best decision I've ever made.

2. My favorite meal of the day is dinner. I can skimp on everything else but love love dinner.

3. This weekend I will be spending many hours babysitting as I have sacrificed the weekend to the money gods.

4. Never in my life have I been stung by a bee. I could be very allergic!

5. The only thing better than a burrito is a California burrito.

6. I could really do with a little sun! Thank goodness it is finally out. My skin is a completely different color from what it was when I lived in CA.

7. The most recent thing I bought myself is la computadora.

Last night I had drinks with two bloggers: MCW from Saving the Best for Last and Minnesota to Manhattan. It was my first time meeting bloggers and it felt a bit like a blind date but they are both super sweet and I'm happy to meet other "transplants" (especially ones I feel like I already knew pretty well!)

A couple of days ago MCW posted a list of ways she considers herself lucky. While I know it is a bit past St. Pat's day, I feel compelled to post a list of my own. I was largely inspired by an incident on the subway Monday afternoon during my lunch hour. Most people have subway stories. Most of those stories involve smells and/or bodily fluids. Luckily, mine did too. I was two stops away from destination and by the time I realized where the odor was coming from, it seemed fruitless to head into another subway car. The woman I was sitting across from was obviously homeless and in need of a bath. I also noticed a puddle on the floor and a wet line down her pant leg when we both stood up. Needless to say I surfaced feeling very grateful for peace of mind and the fortunate life I lead. This Friday night, while I sit watching the Devil Wears Prada while my two babysitting charges sleep soundly I know I'm lucky because:

... I have a supportive and loving family who never once made me feel like I was crazy for wanting to pack up and move to this big, bad city with no job and very few contacts.

... I have great friends (old and new) who bring wonderfully different qualities to my life and with whom I can be myself, good and bad.

... I have an amazing best friend who, ten years and many cities lived-in later, I can still text at noon on a Friday in a bit of a panic knowing that she will call me the second she gets off work.

... I can sit here and watch this movie, call my parents, eat good food and walk away a few Jacksons richer.

... I have a good job with good people in an industry I have come to love.

... I was born into a loving home, encouraged and nurtured, and given a good education.

... I have gotten free movie tickets on two occasions in the past month. Hey, it isn't the lottery but it's lucky!

... I know I have the qualities that will, one day, make me a good partner and will make someone very lucky too.

Have a great weekend everyone!

bad hair day

I hate having my hair cut.

I don't know if I've mentioned this before. This feeling only intensified when I moved to New York. I'm a jeans and t-shirt kinda girl; a very little make up if any at all girl; a virgin hair kind of girl. And even though I went to a lower-priced salon rather than a swanky one, I left feeling like a frumpy dumpy girl.

I wanted to go here. I'd heard they're good at cutting curly hair and I have always said if I found a really awesome place where they know how to cut my mane, I would pay. But last night I bought my new baby. She's a beautiful new MacBook. And babies are expensive. So I opted for the place a couple blocks away and ended up having my hair cut by a stylist who was a complete ass to me.

First he asked if I color my hair. When I said "no," he asked why not. Uhhh... because I haven't? I was a bit insulted. Then he asked what kind of shampoo and conditioner I used. I then wracked my brain to remember what drug store brand is currently on my shelf in the shower. After I replied he said very abruptly, "It's not working. Your hair is very frizzy." I was a bit gobsmacked, I must say. I'm used to getting compliments on my hair. I consider it to be one of my better physical features. I'm constantly being told by hairdressers never to color it, not to straighten it, and I don't. I don't have the patience. My relationship with my hair is love/hate... this has progressed dramatically from the hate/hate relationship that I had with it in my teens. After trying to fight the curl (unsuccessfully, I might add) I decided to let go and let my curl flag fly. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em, right? Armed with a bit more knowledge (and a lot more mousse!) I think my hair and I have successfully made peace.

But I guess Mr. Stylist Douchebag disagrees with me. After he finished cutting my hair he tried to sell me the salon's product but after the major purchase I made last night, I wasn't buyin. I'd put the bottles back on the counter but when I got up to pay he pushed them into the girls' hands and said "These too." Thanks, dude. I'll make my own purchases. I declined. I also was not informed that because I called ahead and made an appointment, my hair cut was more expensive. Pissed off at this point, I paid and got the heck outta dodge. It is disgustingly pouring rain outside, so I took my rain-infused frizzy head home and complained to my roommate about my bad hair day.

I will not be returning to the "conveniently close" salon. I'll get on the 1 if it means not dealing with that again.

he must love dogs. no, seriously. he must.

I think it is time for another dating themed post, don't you?

I knew you would.

I had posted a while back about dealbreakers. They really are important and, for me, set in stone. For example, if I am going to seriously be dating someone (and I'm not talking discussing these things on date number two. C'mon now. I am realistic.) he has to generally want the same things I do: a relationship, kids (eventually. I always worry I have to put this in since I can just envision someone who wasn't supposed to finding this and beginning to hyperventilate. I'm paranoid that way!), be driven toward success (in some shape or form) and have the same general views on morality and religion I do. Finally, he must not be a Republican. (Sorry, folks the GOP just ain't for me.) OK, the last one gives me a chuckle but while on a date this weekend with a nice boy I found myself adding another one to my "set in stone" list:

He must love dogs. No, really. Punny movie references aside, he really has to. And it isn't enough just to think they're fun and cute. He has to want one. Because I do.

My date informed me he is allergic. And thinks they're just OK. Oh boy.

My family has a rambunctious, loveable, pain in the ass dog who we got when I was 15 as a pup. Now he is getting up there in years and JUST started calming down. And now that I am here in New York and he is in my parents' Southern California backyard sleeping and sunning the days away, I miss him tremendously. I would get a dog right now, here in New York if I could but let's face it... I want a big dog and don't think being cooped up all day in a shoebox apartment is fair to them. I have roommates who probably wouldn't be thrilled about the addition to our household, and I can't afford one: time or dollar wise.

But some day I will have one. I already know that he will be a he. I know he will most likely be a rescue dog of a larger mixed breed. I envision a Golden or Lab of some sort and have a name all picked out. I'm getting this dog. So potential boyfriend/husband/partner needs to be on board. I'm sorry, there is just no room for negotiation on this... I think. Sigh.

This all went through my head as nice guy date and I began what was only #2. Oy. I'm in for a long ride with this newest ephiphany.

(image credit)

unplugged and thrilling

My laptop died. Well, the computer cord did and among other issues my 5-yr-old dinosaur has, the battery does not hold a charge anymore so it needs to be plugged into a wall constantly. I had already tracked down a replacement power cord about 9 months ago (This was not an easy feat since the manufacturer does not sell them. I had to buy one from an obscure website.) but I refuse to do that again. I've already plugged more money into this thing than it is now worth. Two weeks into my life in New York (and my job search!) the thing died and I had to spend a bunch of money to replace the harddrive. Then the CD/DVD broke. (Totally my fault.) So I am in the market for a new laptop. I want a good one. I want it to be sleek and pretty. But I am limited by funds so it also can't have ALL the bells and whistles.

What kind of (laptop) do you have?
How old is it?
Do you like it?
Have you ever had any major problems with it? (Would you buy it again or recommend it to someone?)

My weekend was alright. On Friday I ended up taking a job. A pleasant alternative to sitting at home alone is sitting in someone else's apartment alone while their cute and very good kiddos sleep and you get PAID for it.

On Saturday I got my paint-by-numbers creativity on and went to my semi-regular volunteering job: painting canvas murals at a local school. Hello catharsis and therapy. Then a friend and I decided to watch movies at her apartment.

Yesterday I went for a walk in Central Park (Gorgeous weather! Dare I say Spring is here?!) and went over to same friend's apartment to watch the Oscars. Pretty typical.

Thrilling, I know. I'd extract the wonderful moments and do a "My Weekend Was" post but I think my weekend was too boring for that. Ha! Thanks to anyone who answers my questions.

heartache and perspective

My dad called me tonight. After exchanging pleasantries he asked me if I'd heard of the Southern California high school student who had gone missing while running recently. Hundreds of people have been searching for her for days and today a body was found that is believed to be hers. A 30-year-old registered sex offender has been arrested in the case.

It occurred to me after I hung up to eat my dinner and watch 16 & Pregnant on MTV that Dad called because his former California high school student is now alone in big, bad New York City and he worries. I think my loving but sometimes emotionally stoic father was sad. And rightfully so. This story is heartwrenching.

I can't stop thinking about Chelsea King, whose beautiful picture I looked at earlier tonight - feeling so much sadness for her and her family and so much love for mine.

My heart goes out to her family and friends.

Goodnight everyone.

real time rant of feminist proportions

For this week's episode of "Why am I watching this?" I have a confession...

I am watching the Bachelor. I've watched a total of two or three times this season but from tonight's episode I have learned...

as hot as this guy may be he is a frat boy in sheep's clothing.

And far be it for me to get up on my feminist soap box but all this tells me is that if a guy has a choice between a fun, immature "sexy" girl or an emotional, serious and sweet one... well... you can see where I'm going for this.

Of course I'm doing what ABC wants me to do. Watch and bitch. Because men really fall in love with multiple women at once. Oh yes they do. And obsessive all-encompassing love is healthy. Yes, it is.

This just in - Kate Gosselin on Dancing with the Stars? I just might have to throw my television out the window. Perhaps I am too old for this stuff. PBS, here I come!

PS - Real kudos tonight go to The Tourist Board of St. Lucia who did an amazing job. I want to go there, pronto!