blue jean baby, LA lady

Today I am the age I was when my father married my mother. My mom is three years younger. So three years ago I felt very "adult". Now I just feel established in my adulthood. Like I should buy a house. Contribute more to my 401k. Be picking out china.

Well maybe not that much on the china thing. Birthdays (in line with Valentine's Day, Christmas...uhhh Flag Day) have a funny way of reminding the single girl that she is single. Maybe that's why I wanted so much to go out last night and have a true NY birthday. After all it was my first in this city. But things never work out the way you want them to. My roommate and I met some of her friends and her friends of friends at a rooftop bar. So not "me" but those places are fun until the techno starts swirling around my head and I can't breathe it is so crowded. I much prefer to boogie to a Duran Duran song. What does this say about me? We were hit on by three guys who reminded me of the Boutabi (sp?) brothers. You know, Chris Kattan and Will Ferrell from A Night at the Roxbury. We'd jokingly come up with a signal on Friday. Rubbing your nose means "He's cute." Pulling on your ear means "Abort! Abort!" I was pulling pretty vigorously at my ear. She'd forgotten the signal. We were trying to figure out how to get out of it. Oh the stories. She says they were utilizing various techniques from The Pick Up Artist. I've never seen this show but I venture to say they didn't quite grasp the execution portion. After a trying a couple more spots we ended up at our favorite diner eating cheese fries at 3 am. That's more like it.

Today I'm remembering that I'm a girl who loves flip flops and jeans. Today I'm conceeding to my love of Mexican food and small gatherings with a good friend or two. Today I tell myself I'm a low key bar kind of girl where the guys look like they'd like a girl who loves flip flops and jeans. Today I love New York but I can't keep up with the expectations. I make my own expectations.

musings on cupcakes

It is officially my birthday weekend. Yesterday we celebrated at work with Crumbs cupcakes and milk in the small conference room on our floor. I had a sitting job last night with a family I've come to know well over the past 6 months or so. When the door opened I found a tow-head two-year-old thrusting a purple envelope into my hands. Both the envelope and the card were decorated with crayon kisses, x-marks mixed in with the thoughtfully written message his mom had penned. "Wishing you a very happy birthday with love and very best wishes." Then mom asked if her excited boy wanted to show me my birthday treats in the refrigerator. After some effort I was given an upside down box filled with a dozen Crumbs mini-cupcakes, a big hug and kiss.

I'm not one to wax poetic about how old I am. I know I'm not old and most of the time I have always felt younger than I really am. If anything, this birthday just makes me think of my last. I'd ended up booking a ticket two weeks prior to the date because I realized none of my new-found friends had plans to be in the city. It is what comes of one's birthday falling on Labor Day weekend. I was fairly disenchanted and frustrated with the idea, however, a bonus visit home was nothing to complain about. The actual date of my birthday was relatively low-key and normal, filled with family, Scrabble games, birthday cake and presents like all the childhood birthdays. This year my brother (who will be visiting me in NY on his birthday) and I were given a "fake party" complete with a chocolate chocolate cake' our names scripted on it in neon green icing and candles for us to blow out as a pair. Suddenly I felt nine again and imagined myself back at the park with my ballerina cake. That cake was awesome. I've since realized my birthdays will always contain elements of childhood. No matter how old I get my family will make sure they are special events, even to be celebrated weeks before hand, if need be.

Last year I threw myself a birthday party at a bar when I returned to NY. I invited pretty much everyone I knew and and a few friends came to help me celebrate. My expectations were high, I imagined a very New York birthday and while many friends didn't disappoint, the rain kept others away. Turns out I'm not one for party planning. This year I am simply going out with my roommate and another friend and hoping to plan a couple brunches. I think about how much life has changed since the summer days wore away last year. Consider, slow down, enjoy.

normal

credit: glamour.com




This pic and this blog entry just made my day...

I wear my sunglasses at night

I'm exhausted. And I'm a liar.

I really have no desire at this point to ditch this blog. It is too easy, too instant, too distracting.

I had a great weekend. A few weeks/months/years from now I want to reread that sentence. I'm too lazy to hand write anything. On Saturday I had brunch with a great friend of mine I don't get to see often enough. Despite the size of this tiny island, the ease of transportation to its boros, I still haven't seen her in two months. Life keeps us busy, I suppose. Plus, in an environment where certain guys won't date you because you don't live in the same neighborhood they do, it is bound to happen every once in a while.

On Saturday I had a wonderfully fun night with my roommate. We ended up going to a cheesy bar with fun music, danced our hearts out, and met some fun people. And there may or may not have been a boy in there somewhere but it is too soon to divulge such details. For now I'm trying to enjoy moments as they happen as I have had such a hard time with that in the past.

It is much more fun to think about all that than the issue I've been having with someone at work. Though combating work stress by dancing around my room with my IPOD all the while mentally reliving the fun had over the weekend is definitely better than stewing.

abandonment?

Random thoughts because I have 22 minutes to kill until my next obligation and it is stormy outside:

• Meg commented on my last blog post (the one in which I ranted about a certain less-than-platonic someone contacting me via Facebook after he had been MIA for a while). I agree that I could (and probably should) have declined the friend request... I accepted partially because I am nosy and also because I wanted to see what, if anything, he had to say. Turns out he hasn't said anything yet and was just being nosy himself so if it starts to mess with my head I shall delete. Ugh. Drama.
• I'm currently reading a really interesting book about Anne Frank -- her diary, her life, and her status as more than just a teenaged Holocaust victim. Francine Prose argues that Anne was a writer, given the processes she adopted and the quality of her writing.
• Having held a fascination for this iconic girl since I was a pre-teen myself, this fairly niche specific book intrigues me and has me thinking about the diaries I used to keep and the idea of keeping one again (or at least beginning to write). I think today blogs are used as diaries more than anything. I wonder how many 21st century girls actually hand write a diary any more. I know I type faster than I write so it is easy to fall back on blogging, also because there isa n instant gratification that comes from others commenting on your thoughts, logging on to read about your life, and putting out a product you know someone sees. Yet I would think (and hope) that there is a level of self-censorship that goes on, though God knows some people do more censoring than others. If I put my raw and pure thoughts and emotions on paper they might frighten me a little sometimes.
• Tomorrow a good friend is coming in from beyond the boros. I was supposed to go to the beach with her but it looks like it is going to be stormy. Not sure what we are going to do. If I have any NYC readers does anyone have any ideas? Non-New Yorkers don't be shy either.
• I am probably the only one in this giant building right now. What am I doing sitting here on a Friday?
• It is so humid out you can cut the air with a knife. Why did I leave California?
• This is boring. Maybe I should ditch the blog and pick up a journal...

What happens on Facebook, stays on Facebook

Just a drive-by post to say that I really don't understand men and Facebook. Perhaps that is why I am still single and such a fair-weather Facebook user.

A blast from the past just added me as a "friend." Said nothing, just a friend request in my inbox. I suppose this is a very non-commital form of communication but we haven't spoken nearly a year and it is contact all the same. I'm sure he doesn't want to be my friend, as in real-life-how's it goin?-I'll-send-you-a-message-on-your-birthday friend. When my oldest friend (I have known her since the age of 4) was suddenly only communicating with me via MySpace messages, I knew these sites were evil. Is he just spying on me? I, too, have fallen to the voyeuristic pull of social networking, however, I would have preferred he never contacted me if all he wanted was to up his friend numbers (grrr friend collectors) or puruse my profile. Perhaps I take it all a bit too seriously but it is bringing back too much bad energy and too many hurt feelings that I just don't want or need.

What does everyone here think about FB and MS? Any random "friend requests" you wish would never have happened?

I wish they all could be...

My time here in California is wrapping up and it has flown by. When I break it down like this, I've done a lot:

Vacation Tally:

Days spent working: 5
Days spent relaxing: 7
Friends I've seen: 4, including 2 college roommates, one friend from my study abroad program, and one babysitting mom turned friend who I will see today
Movies watched: 7 (Woah! They include: Cadillac Records, The Secret Life of Bees, Changeling, Religulous, The Great Debaters, The Time Traveler's Wife, Anne Frank - an ABC TV movie)
Days spent at the beach: 1 (wish it were more but life happens...)
Extended family members I've seen: 9
Books I've finished: 3
Cookies I've baked: dozens

Earlier this year I thought I was headed to Italy next month. Then for a few days I was going to go to London instead. Now it looks like my next vacation will be back home to California for the holidays. I do maintain that living in Manhattan and "vacationing" in So Cal gives me the best of both worlds and I am so glad it has all worked out this way. Still, I'm disappointed I can't go abroad as I've been wanting to travel more internationally for years. That said, I made my choice and living in New York while saving for an international holiday takes more time. I'm considering putting all my money toward my #1 - Greece. Even if I have to go alone as part of a tour group. I've wanted to see Santorini and the other Greek Islands for years. I know I'll get there eventually.

My "Top 5" are: Greece, Spain, Ireland, Italy (other parts, I've been to Venice already), and Egypt

Anyone else out there have a "Top 5"?