Sunday, November 27, 2011

sunday night "lightbulb moment"

Every once in a while I struggle with the loneliness that comes with living in this city of millions.

It seems counter-intuitive, as there are constantly people around and there are so many things to do and see on any given day. But the culture here can be isolating. The city is filled with Type A people who work too much, socialize in a very structured way, don't often talk to one another, and go about their lives just as I do. I realize this is a very huge generalization. One thing I love the most about this city is that there are so many different kinds of people. I always say there is at least one out there that walks, talks, dresses, and thinks like me.

It has been four years for me and some days I still feel like I'm struggling through year one. I've met some wonderful people, have made great strides, and have learned a lot about myself. But I often feel like there is much missing.

Today was a boring day. I wasn't feeling 100% this morning and was really tired all day so I decided to go with it and be lazy. I was looking around the internet tonight and thinking about how bored I was. My solution to boredom is usually to plan the hell out of the coming days and weeks. (Good and bad, I suppose.) I decided to Google "meeting people NYC." One link was a forum in which people discussed how hard it is here socially.

I don't know why but this made me feel so much better. It acted as sort of a lightbulb moment for me. I know I'm not the first one to move here, having not known anyone and struggle with putting down roots, meeting "forever friends" and dealing with dating. Logically this has always made sense to me. But I am extremely hard on myself and expect a lot from myself. Especially after four years. Reading the thoughts of strangers (written even before I arrived on the East Coast even) made me realize that my struggles and feelings of not "succeeding" where others have are completely typical and normal.

This seems so silly, especially as I sit here typing it out, but it is so important for me. Hopefully it will help me find a bit of peace in the paths I've walked down and find some patience as I move forward and undoubtedly encounter more difficulty--and more happiness.

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