a night with anais nin

I love quotes. They inspire and motivate me. Some of my favorites are cynical (anything by Dorothy Parker), some are literary, but all keep me going because they speak to me. They put into words what I have trouble saying in that moment.

Tonight I'm stuck on Anais Nin. Here is my night. . .

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.

I, with a deeper instinct, choose a man who compels my strength, who makes enormous demands on me, who does not doubt my courage or my toughness, who does not believe me naïve or innocent, who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

We are like sculptors, constantly carving out of others the image we long for, need, love or desire, often against reality, against their benefit, and always, in the end, a disappointment, because it does not fit them.

Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death.

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.

I looked with chameleon eyes upon the changing face of the world, looked with anonymous vision upon my uncompleted self.

week of quotes - days 5 & 6

"When I get a little money I buy books;

and if I have any left I buy food and clothes."

- Desiderius Erasmus (also attributed to Abraham Lincoln)

Yesterday I ventured over to one of my old neighborhoods and discovered that an indie bookstore had opened up. I had a little time to kill before I met a friend for drinks so I wandered around inside. I quickly decided that while I don't really need another book on my bookshelf, I wanted to support my local bookstore so I purchased a "sale" book: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn.

I read thisbook the summer before I moved to New York and have wanted to own it ever since. (I'd checked it out from my library in California and vividly remember reading it in the cafeteria at my then workplace during my lunch hour.) I'm glad I bought it yesterday and am feeling quite in the mood to read it again.

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"Won't sleep 'til I've had enough.

Won't sip my wine from no paper cup."

- Beth Hart

This one is by my favorite singer and from one of my all-time favorite songs: Delicious Surprise. To me it is all about not giving up.

As am I...

week of quotes - days 3 & 4

I spaced and forgot to put up my quote yesterday. I guess you could say yesterday's and today's go together.

"Dating in New York is not for the faint of heart."
-my good friend during dinner last night

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But now I know the things I know
And do the things I do
And if you do not like me so
To hell, my love, with you!

- Dorothy Parker -
from her poem "Indian Summer"

week of quotes - day 2

"I want so much to open your eyes

'cause I need you to look into mine."

- Snow Patrol -

week of quotes - day 1

I don't feel like going into it with long blog posts lately so I thought I'd capture the mood of each day this week with a favorite quote. Mostly so I don't fall off the face of the earth. Who knows. It could end up being interesting...

Here is today's... newly discovered.

No coward soul is mine

- Emily Bronte

post-christmas colds and quotes - a mishmosh of things

Seems I've come down with a nasty cold. It started yesterday and today I can't hear a blasted thing. So I'm vegging out in my dad's chair watching Season 3 of the Tudors (a Christmas gift from my brother) and eating a burrito from my favorite taco shop for lunch. A cold will not stand in the way there. I have also eaten entirely too many cookies and other goodies this week. I hate to turn into a cliche but it is Christmas and I am "home" so I'm indulging with every intention of going back to status quo once I am back in New York.

Christmas in this California household was filled with the usual: immediate family and lots of food. I tend to feel a bit blue during the holidays (all the hype and pressure perhaps) but am feeling pretty peaceful this year. We went to my cousin's house for a belated extended family dinner last night and one cousin asked me if I'm in New York forever. I always chuckle inside when people ask me this as if I really want to say to them, "You don't know what it took to get me here. I just got here. And here I will stay." Why would I leave? I really do love my life in New York, despite some feelings to the contrary every once in a while. I was thinking today as I was driving to get my beloved burrito that I do have the best of both worlds. A life I built with my own two hands in New York and roots in Southern California.

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I wrote that a few days ago and intended on finishing it but never did. My cold is better but sticking around and I just don't have the motivation to do the things I should - namely start cleaning out my old room here. My mom now uses it as an office and, rightfully and expectedly so, she wants to make better use of the space. So I need to get most of my stuff out. And yet here I sit watching Teen Mom online and sending e-mails. Oh well. I still have a few more days.

I'm considering trying Match again. As of late I have had some unexpected, albeit brief luck with this method of meeting people and I do wonder if the onslought of New Year's Resolutions and lonely onlys will work in my favor.

I know I have a New Year/reflection post to write at some point but I'll leave it now with these quotes. They really sum up so many things...

I think that somehow, we learn who we really are and then live with that decision. - Eleanor Roosevelt

And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. - Anais Nin