If I ever seem to have it all figured out it is because I am doing a very good impression of someone who does. I knew when I moved to New York that I wanted to work in book publishing. Tonight I took a "job" at the Upper West Side apartment of a couple who seem to have it all. Husband works in books, like I do, though I won't say in what capacity; Wife is tall, thin and gorgeous; Baby Boy is adorable; Apartment is spacious; Life is perfect - or so it seems. When I got home I Googled said Life all in the name of curiosity and semi work related research and it got me thinking...
I am the type of person who is never satisfied. I'm always looking to the next thing (see last night's blog post for affirmation of this) - always wanting to be better, have more, do more. These days that means dissatisfaction with what has firmly become the "status quo". For the most part, I love my job and am happy with where I am and what I'm doing. But I'm not settled. Not by a long shot. For the past year and a half I've gone back and forth... Do I want to write? Do I want an MBA? What is the next step?
I obviously have no idea or else I would be pursuing it. Something always stops me short. I've researched my options (in true form, fashion and keeping with my anal retentive personality) but that's it. I think I'm just waiting for the answer to reveal itself to me. When I moved here it was scary. I didn't know if I could hack it all alone. When I called my mom in full anxiety mode from the corner of Prince Street and apartment-hunting-"oh-my-god-am-I-really-doing-this?" panic, she said to me, "You have to really want it." I guess I'm waiting to really want the next thing.
Until then I suppose I will have to find some sort of satisfaction in envying the lives of others (and their babies!) as I recognize and remind - some day I will figure out what my next step is going to be, and take it.
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