Tuesday, October 6, 2009

lessons for this reformed dating dummy, vol. 1

Last night I went on a date. I met him a couple of months ago on what turned out to be a very fun night. Since it was a first date, and I like him so far, I had the mandatory butterflies and worries but it turned out to be a great night. After I got home, I was reflecting on what the process of dating, as much as I hate it, has taught me about myself and what I'm looking for in a guy:

1. I like gentlemen.

I may be a modern woman but there is nothing classier on a date than a guy who says "After you.", opens a door for me, and yes, pays for dinner. The willingness to fork over cash for my food isn't a requirement for a great date, but it certainly doesn't hurt. Having "gone Dutch" my fair share of times, I admit to feeling disappointed when someone has not offered to foot the bill and I also admit to having let a guy I have no intention of seeing again pay for my drinks. Usually, I feel bad about this unless he is a total jerk, in which case it makes me feel a bit vindicated. As awkward as the inevitable end-of-date-reaching-for-the-check will he?/won't he? is, it is not a requirement, nor a means for elimination. But it certainly scores the boys points.

2. There really is no discounting chemistry.

In my opinion, there is little rhyme or reason for why I click with some guys and don't with others. Some might be interesting, attractive, personable, friendly, funny and great on paper but if he carries himself a certain way or holds his fork another way, it is a turn off. Before I paint myself as an incredibly picky person, I will say that while I am selective, just because I can't stand the sound of a guy's laugh, doesn't mean I'm not open minded. Sometimes I tell myself that maybe the chemistry will develop, that the laugh or the way he holds the fork will be come endearing. This is how I dated a guy I didn't really like for a month last year. But when it's right, it's right. Sitting across from someone and feeling the ease with which the conversation flows really helps with the hopeless feelings a string of dud dates will bring. And this all just reaffirms what I've already discovered to be true: chemistry is so important to me.

3. Dating blogs are filled with good tips.

I should have read this before last night. Next time I won't pick a sports bar.

4. There will always be awkward silence.

Eventhough we had a lot to talk about last night, there were definitely moments of awkward silence. While family, TV, movies, and other safe and standard topics are all well and good sometimes you just don't know what to say next. Sometimes it is weird. I'm learning to go with it.

5. It really, really helps if you find him utterly adorable.

'Nuff said!


MCW said...

Hi! I just found your blog through someone else (but can't remember who)...
I totally agree with all of your tips! I tried to force myself to like a guy about a year ago. Went out with the poor kid like 10 times and I could never even kiss him! But, he was nice, good job and loved me...I should have liked him but, I just couldn't!
Glad you had a great date!

Anonymous said...

Sounds like some good lessons to me. I'm glad you had a good date. Good luck on future dates. I used to have a rule (my friends started it because I was too picky) that I wouldn't rule a guy out until we kissed. I'm not saying I kissed on the first date, but I'm saying I definately allowed myself a little more time to get to know a guy and see if there would be some chemistry. It's worth it if it works out, right?

Just let them down easy if you plan on breaking hearts. :)