I keep telling my best friend I need to write a book about my online dating excursions. I say this in jest but I have been thinking lately about the things I do not understand about online dating protocol and etiquette. Not sure this merits a book (I'm sure it has all been written anyway) but perhaps some of my fellow single ladies out there can relate. So I present my list of semi-rants and full-on-rants.
I first joined match.com in March of last year. I do not participate for more than a month at a time because I simply cannot handle more than 30 or 31 days of concentrated rejection and I get bored with it quickly. Also, I tend to feel like after a few weeks of searching (because I'm a firm believer you have to make it work for you and not sit and wait for someone to contact you) I tend to see the same guys with little variation. I've now had a few months on the site and here is what I think...
1. I do not like "thanks but no thanks" e-mails.
Match has this wonderful feature where you can send someone an automated adios e-mail if you are not interested. I've received a few of these, including one today. My friend thinks it is a nice thing. I think it just rubs the rejection in. I'd rather not hear from someone than have them push a button after viewing my pictures and deciding they don't like me. Maybe I'm sensitive (I know I am, in fact) but in this case I think nothing is just a bit nicer.
I have also been the recipient of a few personalized e-mails including one person who told me I was too short for him! The other day a guy e-mailed me telling me thanks for the e-mail but that he didn't think we were compatible for a relationship. He even went so far as to answer a question I asked him in an e-mail. My question is WHY? I'm sure with these guys I have dodged a couple of bullets but just pass right along my email and profile. It is so much easier to take than actual recognition of the fact that there is something unsavory about me. Am I alone in this reasoning?
2. There is nothing wrong with "about average!"
Ya ready because I'm going to go a bit ape shit on this one. There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong with having a body type that is described as "about average". This is the body type I feel most accurately describes my own. My other choices were "athletic and toned", "slender", "curvy", "a bit extra" and possibly one other I'm forgetting. As in life, Match has its share of tools (yes, boys I said it, tools) who select "athletic and toned" and "slender" for their preferred match's body type and nothing else. My favorite is when they wouldn't be described as "athletic and toned" or "slender" themselves. Nice, guys. Nice. While I want to believe that all of these guys are disgusting materialistic playboy types I'm sure that's not true. Still I choose to believe it makes them all douche bags and unworthy of a perfectly nice, caring and about average girl like me.
3. I do not live in the UK, I do not want a 40 year old, and I do not understand why you are talking to me.
I get lovely messages, e-mails, and winks from guys who are not my type. It is inevitable. I'm sure they're good guys and will find someone. That someone just isn't me. I feel badly ignoring people but I honestly don't understand why I am contacted by guys who live outside the tri-state area. I even got an email from someone in the UK the other day. While I love the UK... um... no. Also, I am not an "older guy" kind of girl. I'm mid-twenties so my ceiling is not far into the 30's. It is a matter of preference (and ick factor!) If you are 40 you best not be contacting someone my age. I know that Matthew McConaughey's wife is 26 and he is 40 (just realized that today - they have 2 kids! Wow!) but you are not Matthew McConaughey.
What do we think? I know there are more. Perhaps this will become a series...
I am a late twenties Southern Californian who, like so many others, gave up normal sized living spaces, driving, and sometimes food when I moved to NYC in the Fall of 2007 to pursue my "dream career." I live among books, out of suitcases, and in awe of the ways my life has changed over the past three years. And I do wear flip flops down Lexington Ave. E-mail me at flipflopsonlex [at] gmail [dot] com.