Thursday, May 6, 2010

There's no crying in baseball.

I did the unthinkable at work today.

Something every woman dreads and no woman wants to do.

I cried.

Let's backtrack a bit here. I'm a pretty sensitive person. And though I control my ducts better than I did in my hormonal teens, intense emotions make me tear up. Sadness, anger, frustration, confusion, exhaustion. All of it. Today it was a bit of everything. A co-worker told me something that worried me about the way some other colleagues might be viewing me and my performance as of late. Something that struck a chord. So I cried. And she hugged me. And gave me a Kleenex. Told me to sit down. I poured out bits of my soul in slowish drips. This girl is my friend but she is still someone with whom I work. I felt like I was being unprofessional as I wiped snot from my nose and confided in this sweet and understanding person.

When all was said (well, most of it) I cleaned up my desk and headed for the elevator. But as I sit here tonight thinking about it I am mortified. Upset that I was that transparent, that I let my insides show on the outside (even behind closed doors) and that, as an employee who has her career to think about I even have to deal with the "I was a crybaby at work because I'm a woman" type thing. Ugh.

Tomorrow is another day, Scarlett.


a boy a girl and a pug said...

oh my heart breaks for you...i wish i could give you a hug! don't worry about it, i'm sure that woman has been there to and thought nothing of it. love ya!

and yes i'd totally love to give you a blog makeover if you want.
oh and the word verification i'm about to do is grammy. ha

Anonymous said...

Oh man, that is the worst. Nobody likes to feel that way. i'm sure it seems worse than it was, especially looking back on it. So sorry you even felt that way.

I read a great tip in some magazine that if you ever feel yourself tearing up you can pinch the skin between you thumb and fingers. This will distract you mentally and help you hold back the tears.

MCW said...

Everyone loses it once in awhile...and that's ok! Hope today is better!

Anonymous said...

It happens to everyone. And oftentimes to me... Honestly, while I know you're embarrassed I don't think it's as big of a deal as you think. Reverse the situation and I'm sure you wouldn't have thought less of your coworker if she had cried in front of you. Sometimes it's nice to see the humanity in people. We shouldn't always have to be so strong.